It's Okay to Be Sad
© March 2015, All Rights Reserved

The other day a friend asked me, "Are you okay?"

I said, "yeah".

And she said, "Hmm, you just don't seem like yourself."

I responded with my usual "I'm just tired," which was true. A couple of nights before, I had stayed up until four in the morning for no particular reason, at least I thought so at the time, and then woke up at seven a.m. unable to go back to sleep. So I got up. I was still feeling the effects of that lack of sleep. Pretty straight forward. But as I started to explain to her why I was tired, and why I hadn't gotten much sleep a couple of nights before, I had a new realization, I was sad - again.

Almost a year ago, someone very important to me passed away. I was sad before he passed - it was a long illness - and I was sad after he passed. I was sad for a long time, and at times slightly depressed. My heart was breaking watching him go through the final stages of his illness, and then my heart broke when he died. It didn't matter that I knew this wasn't the end for either of us, that the spirit lives on, that I had in fact seen him in spirit mere seconds after he died, standing behind me with his hand on my shoulder. I was still sad. I still had to grieve my loss, the loss of not having him in this world, the loss of one of my longest friendships, the loss of someone who knew so much of my history because he had been there for most of it, the loss of knowing if the shit hit the fan, he would have my back, the loss of a piece of my heart and a part of my family for even though we weren't related by blood, he was my family and I loved him deeply. I missed him, and I cried - a lot, for a long time.

It's normal, feeling sad in response to certain things that happen in our lives, a perfectly human reaction and in my case, a necessary one in order to process my experience - to allow myself the opportunity to heal and move on. But this is not always as easy as it sounds. There is a cultural message that if you are spiritual, or evolved, things aren't supposed to get to you, that it should all just roll right off your back. Newsflash! That's not how it works. It's not about whether or not things "get to you", it's about being human, and how you handle that process. And part of being human is allowing ourselves to experience the full range of human emotions, not just the happy, happy, joy, joy, but the sad and painful emotions as well. And in a world of take a pill for this or for that, including feelings of sadness, this is often discouraged and avoided. But, if we don't allow ourselves to feel sad when we feel sad, we deny ourselves the full experience of being human, and we deny ourselves the ability to heal and let go, to explore a deeper level of understanding of ourselves and the Universe, which is one of the most spiritual and loving things you can do for yourself.

Over time, the pain lessened. I cried less, although at odd moments something would trigger the grief and I would start crying again. But, I didn't cry as long or as hard. The moments of sadness would pass more quickly. Joy was returning. I started to feel like my old self. And then, as his birthday approached and we were coming to the final stages of settling his estate, the sadness resurfaced - not as strongly or as intensely as when he first passed, but still there - an echo of sadness if you will. And this is what I had been feeling when my friend asked how I was doing, I was feeling sad, again. And it's okay.


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Alexandra is a healer, intuitive and life coach. For more information about Alexandra Windsong, contact her at 301-606-2607 or email or visit http://www.thehealingway.com/windsong.html.