Finding the Stillness
by Alexandra Windsong, July 7, 2008

Still: (from Merriam-Webster's Dictionary) adjective, devoid of or abstaining from motion, uttering no sound, quiet,  subdued, muted, calm, tranquil, free from noise or turbulence. noun - stillness

Stillness, a simple word, a simple concept. Or is it? Certainly sounds like it should be easy enough, just sit still, don't move, and be quiet. But sometimes it is the hardest thing one can try and do. And maybe that is where the problem lies. For much like everything else in life, we have a hard time just letting things be, to sit still, to be quiet, to do . . . well, nothing. So often we feel that we have to, or should be doing something. So much so that even when it comes to being still, we feel that it is something that we have to make happen. So rather than just being still, it's something we try and do.

Not long ago, I decided to lead a meditation in which the focus was "finding the stillness". Before we began I threw out the concept to the group, asking them what words come to mind when they hear the word stillness. The responses were varied: surrender (i.e. let it happen), acceptance, flow, peace, presence, separation, isolation, and relaxation. And except for a couple of words, such as separation and isolation, which could have both a positive and a negative connotation, the words they associated with the concept of stillness, or being still, made it sound like a really good thing, something pleasant, something to be desired. However, when I then asked them, how they felt about being still, the responses were quit different: uncomfortable, uncomfortably comfortable, not easy but getting easier, relief, and my personal favorite -- guilty.

So why are so conflicted about something that sounds like such a good idea? Why do we find it so difficult to simply sit still, to set aside the time for reflection, to quiet and still our minds and our emotions? And why are we so uncomfortable with it?

For many of us, it starts with the culture in which we have been raised. We live in a society that values action, motion, and doing; a society that instills the need to do it all, to be it all, and to have it all. And most importantly you must be  productive. A society in which the focus is on how much you do, what you achieve (in a tangible sense), and how "busy" you are. -- Where do you all think all those type A overachiever types come from after all? -- And for those who don't fall into the overachiever category, there can be a sense of failure, of not measuring up, because you are not as successful --  translation -- as busy, overworked and productive as everyone else. We tend to value what people accomplish in a tangible way rather than who they are and the many intangibles that are just as important to the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being of ourselves and our society as a whole. We are a society of multi-taskers, never focusing on just one thing, always trying to cram as much as we can into every single moment of every a single day, a society that does not find value in being still.

The irony to this, is that when we do take the time to be still, to quiet our thoughts, our emotions, to renew and restore ourselves, we are more productive, more focused and more effective elsewhere in our lives. And consequently we are even more successful in what we can accomplish, but in a more balanced way -- happy, peaceful, and content, able to enjoy what we have achieved in our lives -- not worn out, used up and stress out.

Normally, I do not like to compare human beings to machines, but in this case the analogy is an appropriate one. Think of your brain as a computer. We all know what happens when you have too many windows open don't we? You know, trying to do as many things at possible at the same time? The computer gets slower and slower and sometimes will just  freeze up completely. And when this happens, just about the only solution is to shut the system down completely and start it up again.

I personally have a bad habit of not shutting down my laptop completely at the end of the day, or at any time for that matter. I prefer to put it into hibernate mode instead. Why you may ask? Because it starts up faster from hibernate mode when I turn it back on. The only problem is that if you continue to do this with shutting it down completely, eventually, the system starts to run more slowly, until finally one or more of the programs freezes and you have to shut it all down anyway in order to clear out all of the non-essential gobbledy gook that is taking up valuable operating space in the system's memory so that it can "work right" again.

Stillness is where clarity, focus and self-awareness comes from. Our brains and our emotions are like that computer. From time to time, we need to stop all the thinking and doing, and allow time to clear out the gobbledy gook we carry around in our heads. When we do so we are better able to see things clearly, to be more aware and to function more effectively. Otherwise, we can get stuck in an infinite loop or freeze up all together. Furthermore, self-awareness is tantamount to being a successful human being. In being self-aware of our needs, our desires, our short-comings, and our strengths; in being aware of the what is really happening around us and within us, we can make better, more informed choices, we can solve problems more effectively, and we can choose a life that is more in harmony with our true nature. From stillness comes the ability and the opportunity to appreciate and see what we do have in our lives and within ourselves, to appreciate the beauty in ourselves and in the world around us, to think more clearly, be more focused, more self-aware and in touch with who where we are in our lives.

For those who are uncomfortable with themselves and/or the lives they are living, this very self-awareness and clarity is can be the reason they avoid being still. We use constantly thinking, moving, and doing things as  a distraction to help us avoid seeing ourselves and our situation clearly. When we are still, more present and self-aware, it is more difficult to delude ourselves that things are okay when they are not. It is more difficult to be in denial, to avoid seeing ourselves and our lives as they truly are, to deny our pain, our true feelings and our insecurities. When we are truly still, we must be with ourselves, our thoughts, our emotions, and our stuff. We can no longer run from or deny the truth. We can no longer run from ourselves.

So even though on one hand we may yearn for and welcome the stillness, on the other, we can feel guilty, uncomfortable and conflicted about it. And once we have decided to practice stillness, we can be daunted by the perceived enormity of the task. We often don't know where or how to start, thinking it is something we must do or make happen. There is often a misconception that you must be able to totally clear your mind of all thoughts, ideas and emotions, and that you must be able to hold this state for a long period of time. Not so. A still sky is not empty. A still pond is not empty. A still mind is not empty. It is simply still -- quiet, restful, not moving. And to be still, you simply stop doing.

The premise of our meditation that night was simple, to find the stillness within. And to do so we would simply sit still and listen. Nothing to do, or visualize or intend. No analysis, no thinking, no judgement. Simply be still and listen. Surrender and allow it to happen. And that is we did. We closed our eyes, sat back and listened.

Many of us first began by finding, or noticing, the stillness between the notes in the music, the stillness between one thought and the next, and the stillness between one breath and the next, allowing that stillness to grow and expand within us and around us until our thoughts and emotions were still. In that stillness, we became more present, centered, focused and aware. And we found that we could be comfortable with being still, for as long as we needed to be.

For more information about Alexandra Windsong, Spiritual & Intuitive Healer at The Healing Way, click here.

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©2008, Alexandra Windsong