It's Time to Get Real
by Alexandra Windsong, May 2011
© 2011 Alexandra Windsong, All Rights Reserved

I have a confession to make. Looking back I see that it's been almost a year since I published a monthly newsletter and over a year since I've actually published any new articles either online or in the newsletter. Sure, I've sent out reminder emails about upcoming classes and events, and I've revised some old articles for a couple of newsletters early on in 2010. But really, I haven't written anything new since shortly before The Healing Way moved to it's new location a little over a year ago in February 2010. Wow.....

Oh I've had lots of ideas for new articles kicking around in this old head of mine, some great ones too as a matter of fact. I've even gone so far as to start a couple of them. But nothing ever really seems to go anywhere. They just sort of wither and die, either in my head or on the page, and nothing ever gets finished. Why oh why is that so?

Because I've been holding back, not necessarily on purpose, but that's the way it is, and it's time for that to change......

Of course one of the first questions one might ask is why have I been holding back? On some levels, the answer is quite simple, on others, not so much. But let's start with the simple one and go from there. This last year and a half has been quite challenging on many levels for me both personally and professionally, a time filled with serious change, upheaval, transition and loss. It's also been one of the most rewarding and blessed times of my entire life and many, many wonderful blessings beyond my wildest imaginings have come into being. That in and of itself would be enough to explain why I haven't written anything new -- I've been a bit busy. But there's more to it than that. From these challenges and blessings have come the seeds for some potentially great articles that I believe would resonate with many of you out there. However, to fully do these articles justice and to be real in relaying these experiences and the power of their lessons, I would have to reveal an awful lot about myself, in both my personal and professional life, something I don't relish doing for a variety reasons and therein lies the rub.

At the most basic level, I was simply afraid to expose myself, my experiences, my past, my present, my true thoughts and feelings on any number of topics -- always being mindful of not wanting to say the "wrong" thing. I was concerned about my professional appearance and reputation, a valid concerned as I am self-employed and my livelihood depends a lot on my reputation, so I often held back when writing, not wanting to offend or distance anyone who might be a potential client or student by saying something that they would find unpalatable in one of those articles. Or worse yet, saying something that might make them think, "Why should I go to her? Look at how she still struggles", or " Why should I listen to her? She obviously doesn't get it. What does she know?"

On a more personal level, revealing my true thoughts, feelings and what some might perceive as weaknesses and imperfections had often been a dangerous thing to do in the past. Many of my experiences during my childhood and teen years had taught me that some people would then find a way to use these things against you... that some people would pounce on that perceived weakness, like a tiger on a piece of raw meat as a way to keep you in your place, demean, make fun of, belittle or control you. Revealing or exposing yourself can be scary because it makes you go out on a limb...a place where people can criticize you, throw stones at you, and in some cases try to cut that limb right out from under you.

So I held back. Ever mindful of every word. Cautious to fully reveal my truth, watering things down, weighing every word, every paragraph, every sentence before actually finishing or publishing an article.....oh my god, I get exhausted just thinking about it. So much work! And the truth is, by holding back, the message is diluted, rendered less powerful, less truthful, less real,  by the self-censorship. And with this realization came the question of where else might I be holding back in my life, not embracing the full potential of all the power that I possess, both as an individual and as a healer? That was a sobering thought, that I was not allowing myself to reach my fullest potential in this moment as a human being and a healer, that I was not fully utilizing the gifts I had been given and was in fact doing them a disservice.

I have been given many gifts, talents and abilities...we all have. I've also been given many blessings, which include some of those not so happy experiences in my life. I know what it is like to feel helpless, powerless, afraid, abandoned, betrayed, neglected, abused, worthless, inadequate, unlovable, unloved, insecure, unclean, "not right", out of step, and unacceptable. I know about loss and pain and darkness. I know what it's like to lose yourself, to feel uncertain and insecure about what the future brings. I know what it's like to give up your power and to lose your voice, to hand them over to others and then wonder how in the hell that happened. But I also know what it is like to feel powerful, worthy, confident, capable, courageous and loved. I know what it is like to feel valued, treasured and respected. I know what it is like to own my power and find my voice. I know what it is like to come out of the darkness and into the light, to find myself once again.

Life and healing is a journey, a process by which we come more fully into ourselves in various stages and degrees throughout our lifetime, finding new levels of freedom, peace and happiness. No matter where we are on our journey, how enlightened or evolved we have become, there is always something new to learn and experience about ourselves and the world we live in, another level of self-understanding, love, awareness and power to reach.

So from this point forward, I say it's time to get real and to write from the heart, unfettered by self-censorship, to share my experiences, thoughts and what I know without weighing the "appropriateness" of every word, to say what I truly think and feel in my articles without testing for how it will be perceived, without worrying about what will people think?

Healers and spiritual leaders are human beings too ... with the same experiences and challenges as everyone else. It is from these very challenges that their ability to help others is developed. So this is my commitment to you and to myself, to lay it on the line and be the most complete and real human being, healer, spiritual guide/advisor, lover and friend I can be. Now this doesn't mean that I am going to regale you with lots of intimate, juicy details about my personal life and tell you all about my childhood "tale of woe".  It does mean that when it is germane to a conversation, to a topic, to illustrate a point, to making something more real and accessible, I will not hide or water down who I am, who I have been, what I have experienced and what I know. I will not hold back. I have been to the darkness and back many times. I have found my way out of various levels of  self-loathing, self-abuse and self-defeating behaviors and to new levels of self-acceptance, self-love, awareness, understanding, and personal power. If sharing my experiences, words, and thoughts, if sharing what I really believe, what I have seen and what I have experienced can help others find their way out of their own personal darkness and into the light of self-acceptance, love and personal power, then my work is done. The work begins now....

Peace & Blessings,
Alexandra


Alexandra Windsong is a Spiritual & Intuitive Healer, Shaman, Sound Healer, Meditation Facilitator and Flower Essence Practitioner at The Healing Way in Frederick, MD. She works with clients individually as well as teaches classes related to healing, metaphysics and spiritual growth and development. For more information about Alexandra Windsong, click here.

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© 2011, Alexandra Windsong, All Rights Reserved