What Gets Done, Gets Done:
Staying Sane in an Insane World
by Alexandra Windsong, March 7, 2008

What gets done, gets done. What gets done, gets done. What gets done, gets done. Say and repeat this mantra until you get it. I'd like to say I never have to use it. But no, it's one I've had to use many times in the past and definitely need to remember now. A simple yet powerful phrase that helps to keep me sane in an insane world of unrealistic expectations and demands on my time, on my energy and on me. And one of worst offenders for placing unrealistic expectations on me is (drum roll please) . . . .  you guessed it - ME! Something tells me I'm not alone.

For the last two months I've been trying to write an article on finding the stillness for the monthly newsletter. I think about it. I reflect on it. I have some great ideas. But every time that I sit down to try and write it, nothing happens. Well, except for my stress levels going up. I just can't focus. Of course I'm trying to squeeze it in between seeing clients, painting the office, and a host of other things that I think just absolutely must get done right now! And finally it hit me.

Of course you can't write an article about finding the stillness. You can't find it yourself right now. And no wonder you can't focus. You're too distracted, worrying and stressing over all the things that must get done. Feeling the pressure of a to do list that never gets smaller. Gone are the days when you made making time for yourself a priority -- those time outs to find the stillness within. To re-center and refocus yourself. Time to simply be. Time to recharge your body, mind and spirit.

You'd think I'd know better wouldn't' you? And I do. But just like anyone else, I can slip back into hold habits and patterns when I am not paying attention, when I'm not being mindful and self-aware.

This particular pattern started early on in life. Growing up in an era where it was important to be a "well-rounded" student in order to get into college, the more "things" you could put down on your college application the better, I started over doing at an early age. Couple that with that my own personal baggage...good was never good enough�.it must be perfect!��.and you have a highly stressed overachiever. And that was how I lived my life for many years through high school, college and beyond, keeping a schedule that most people thought was insane and I thought was normal. Not only normal, but a sign of how competent I was. Look at everything I can do in a day.

For example after finishing my undergraduate degree, I worked a full-time job, a part-time job and I was going to graduate school part-time as well. I also spent time socializing with my friends. But wait, isn't socializing down-time? Not necessarily. For me it was one more thing to do. I enjoyed it to be sure, the socializing that is. But there was never really any time for me. To really be with myself. To re-focus. To re-center. My life was go, go, go. Do, do, do. Oh and by the way, no matter how you much do (i.e. accomplish) or how well you do it , it's never going to be enough -- what a nut job.

I always had an unrealistic expectation of how much I could accomplish in any given amount of time. Like many people, I had a tendency to over-schedule my time, trying to fit too much into a day without a reasonable assessment of what is really possible, forgetting that it is necessary to allow time in my schedule for down-time too. I also had a tendency to get wrapped up in a project and put too much of my time and focus on getting it done - losing sight of the big picture and in my mind losing sight of what was really important and what wasn't. What really needed to get done and what was a good idea but not really essential. No true sense of perspective.

Finally, I came to my senses. While on a certain level I knew that I needed down-time. I just couldn't justify making it a priority. And while part of me knew the expectations that I had of myself were unrealistic (no sane human being could maintain that kind of schedule and not eventually breakdown), the part of me that was a slave to those old beliefs and patterns thought I was just deficient somehow. That I was the lacking in some way. And oddly enough, believing that was easier than acknowledging that I just couldn't do it all. It didn't matter whether or not it was reasonable to expect anyone to be able to do it. I should be able to get it all done.

When I first saw the light, I didn't have much choice. My body had made it crystal clear . . . stop yourself, or I'll stop you. Years of my insane schedule and the pressure I put on myself to excel had taken it's toll. I was tense, unhappy, and stressed out. I was almost always sick from one or more of a variety of maladies . . . tension headaches, migraines, recurrent infections, sinusitis (it sometimes felt like my head would explode), worsening allergies . . . the list goes on and on. My quality of life basically sucked and it was going downhill fast.

So I started making changes. Slowly at first, then more quickly. I rearranged my life. I took a good long look at me, my stuff, and my unbalanced lifestyle. I also took a good long look at where all this craziness was getting me and where I was going to end up if I didn't make some serious changes.

I used a lot of tools along the way to help restore my health and my sanity - chiropractic, flower essences, acupuncture, reiki, massage to name a few. But the bottom line was I stopped trying to do everything and be everything. I rearranged, reprioritized and took back my life. I took charge. And I worked on my stuff. I learned to make me a priority, to have a more realistic expectation of what was possible and what was not. And I stopped overcommitting myself, planning and scheduling every minute of every day. You can't work, or play hard, eight days a week you know, although some of us may try to. Sometimes you just need time to do absolutely nothing. I stopped letting my schedule and my life run me and I started running my life.

Life began to get better. I became a much happier, healthier, better balanced person. Eventually some of those changes led to a career change. Now for those of you who may be thinking . . . that's it. I'll just change my career, my job, my relationship, whatever . . . A word of caution. Old habits die hard. It's not enough to change just the outer circumstances. Change your job, your relationships or whatever you perceive as the issue outside yourself without addressing the inner you and you just take your old baggage right along with you to the next job, the next relationship, the next whatever. And even though I was happier and better balanced in my approach to life, there were still times when my tendency to over-schedule, to expect more than was humanly possible would resurface.

For example, whenever I had a deadline, or an event to prepare for, it never failed that I would still overestimate how much I could accomplish in a given amount of time and would often end up staying up half the night trying to get everything done. The end result is that I wouldn't get it all done even though I'd stayed up half the night, and I would feel guilty that I hadn't finished everything that I had planned, and I would be pretty darned tired on top of it all too. This was when I first began to use my "what gets done, gets done" mantra.

Whenever I found myself in the position of being over-scheduled, with too much to do and not enough time to do it in, I would just say to myself, what gets done, gets done. And an amazing thing would happen. My anxiety levels would immediately start to decrease. I would relax and reprioritize. I would be more focused, able to clearly see what was really important and what wasn't. To see what really did need to be finished and what was just a good idea, but the world wouldn't end if it didn't get done. This simple phrase allowed me to disengage from my unrealistic idea of what needed to get done and to see the reality of what was necessary and what was not. It allowed me to release self-judgment, the need to be superwoman, to be perfect. It allowed me to see things more clearly as they truly are free from my personal and emotional baggage, to have a more accurate perspective on the situation at hand.  And I was much happier and calmer for it. And eventually I didn't need to use the mantra anymore.

However, as my business grew, and the demands on my energy and my time increased, old patterns resurfaced. I started to over-schedule again. Gone were the days when I would take long walks in the woods, nurturing my soul with the quiet solitude of nature, time just for me without expectation and obligation, time free from doing and thinking and getting things done. That time had been replaced with thoughts of, I have clients to see, a class to teach, a schedule to plan, a CD to edit, a room to paint, a newsletter to get out . . .  I don't have time to take a walk, to hang out with my dog, to just sit and be. You get the picture.

And the culture we live in isn't very helpful either. It reinforces this go, go, go mentality. There is actually a subtle social pressure to always be doing. An societal admiration for the go-getter. The person who goes non-stop. The person who seems to take on gargantuan tasks and accomplish them one right after the other or even simultaneously. The person who does what no mere average mortal can do. But remember appearances can be deceiving. While we reward and admire those people who seem to achieve so much, so much more than we could ever do, do we ever ask ourselves, Yes, they can do all that, but at what price? We seem to place little or no value on simply sitting still, taking time to refocus and rebalance ourselves, time to simply be. And believe me we are paying a price.

Recently, I realized I was doing just that once again, setting unrealistic expectations for myself, putting too much into my schedule. Not allowing any time to relax and recharge. Putting pressure on myself to get everything done right now, oh and by the way, done perfectly too. I stopped doing things that were important to my health and well-being.
I started sacrificing my precious down-time so that I could get things done, telling myself, It's only temporary. After I finish this project, get through this week, this month, I'll ______ once again.

And here's the bitter irony. It's not temporary. The do to list never gets any shorter. There is always, and there will always be, something else that will need to "get done". And all that precious me time that I was sacrificing in order to get things done? Wasted. I still wasn't getting everything done within the timeframe I thought I should. And what free time I did have was wasted. Wasted vegging out in front of the TV mindlessly watching the same old reruns that weren't that great the first time around. Wasted feeling guilty about all the things I wasn't doing, that little voice inside egging on me on to get up and get moving again, I can't meditate right now. I have to clean the house. I have to write that article. I should be updating the web site. I should be _______.

So what are the signs that you are over committed, being unrealistic in your expectations of how much you can actually do in an hour, a day or a week, that you are not taking enough time for you?

This is what happens to me . . . I start shutting down. I can't think clearly. I can't focus. I stop doing the things I once enjoyed. Things that were once a source of pleasure become an annoyance. For example, when my dog Max greets me at the door and my response is not to scratch him behind the ears and interact with him for a few minutes, but to immediately tell him to, "go lay down", I'm a little on edge. Not a good sign.

And it's not all about work you know. You can over-schedule your time with social commitments. Agreeing to do/attend things you really don't want to. Or just planning too many activities, filling your schedule with so many places to go and things to see that even the things that you enjoy can become simply another thing to do on your do to list. Just another task, another burden on your already overburdened life. A friend of mine wisely commented to me recently that she tries not to schedule social activities every weekend. That it's important for her to have some days with no commitments.

But now, things are different. In the past I spent years, decades living mindlessly, a slave to these unhealthy patterns and expectations. Unaware of my true state of mind and the reality of the state of my existence. Now, it only takes a few months, weeks or days for to recognize that I'm slipping back into these patterns. And I take action. I use my tools, including my mantra. I work on my stuff again. I make room for me time. And I take charge. I remind myself that it doesn't have to be perfect. I don't have to do and be everything. I don't have to get everything (i.e. all my great plans and ideas), finished or implemented right now. I stop trying to do everything all at once. I stop trying to fit eight days of stuff into every week. First, there are only seven days in a week, no matter how much many of us may try to ignore that simple fact, and you really don't need to fill every minute of every day with stuff to do.

Now some people might argue, you just need to plan better. And they don't mean plan more down-time into your schedule. They mean, plan your work better. I know I used to use that argument on myself. That I just needed to be even more organized and of course I could get it all done. I never would consider the possibility that maybe my expectations of what I could do in a set amount of time were unrealistic. But part of effective planning is not just being organized. It's being able to clearly see what is really important, what must get done and what is simply a nice thought, and what is realistic. It's the ability to effectively prioritize and to have an accurate perspective on your life, work, your relationships. My mantra helps me to get into the space in my head. My mantra helps me to set limits, to effectively prioritize, to keep things in perspective.  It helps me to remember to take into account the need for down-time when planning my schedule and to have more realistic expectations of myself.

And here's the really amazing thing. When you stop and take time for you, time to simply be, time to sit still (vegging in front of the TV doesn't count), to do the things that feed and nurture your body, mind and spirit, you become more focused, more relaxed and more clear, more in touch with what you need, both personally and professionally -- more balanced. And this allows you to be more effective and more efficient in the work that you do have do have to do. And then you have even more time for you. Whoopee!

And I find it helps me see that to do list from a more realistic perspective. The world won't end if everything on that list doesn't get done. And when I have this perspective, I find that the things that are really important, well they do get done and the rest of it. . . well it depends. Maybe those things that get put aside for now do need to be done at some point in time, maybe not right this second, maybe not today or next week, maybe next month, or maybe next year. Maybe they don't need to get done at all.

As for that article on finding the stillness, what gets done, gets done. It didn't. And that's okay.

For more information about Alexandra Windsong, click here.

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©2008, Alexandra Windsong